Comments on: Today Show: Marriage is Dead http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead Faith & Culture Sun, 24 Apr 2011 04:29:56 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: martint501 http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1698 martint501 Tue, 07 Jul 2009 23:45:44 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1698 Yes, that qualifier is important....even on a site that caters to Christians. They are really both state marriages, so that qualifier wouldn't really work either. I think everyone defines a marriage beyond that of a state contract...we didn't get married because we thought it would be cool to have a certificate from the state nor because we could get some sort of tax benefit. It is simply another way to express a deep commitment in front of our friends and family...the other stuff is a very tiny bonus. Yes, that qualifier is important….even on a site that caters to Christians. They are really both state marriages, so that qualifier wouldn't really work either. I think everyone defines a marriage beyond that of a state contract…we didn't get married because we thought it would be cool to have a certificate from the state nor because we could get some sort of tax benefit. It is simply another way to express a deep commitment in front of our friends and family…the other stuff is a very tiny bonus.

]]> By: Jason Kramme http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1696 Jason Kramme Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:45:15 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1696 I'm not sure why the concept of Christian marriage would apply to you and your wife if you are not Christian. A Christian marriage implies that the marriage is about your mutual faith in Jesus Christ. So, I guess there should always be a "Christian" qualifier before i say marriage. Sorry about that. I didn't say anything about your relationship with your wife, or the way that you view/love her. What I did say is that that, if your relationship with her has nothing to do with your faith in Christ, then what you have is not a Christian Marriage. Its a state marriage (or whatever qualifier you want there). They are fundamentally different relationships. theists and non-theists, alike stay married for long periods of time because they love each other. That's not the issue, the issue is the motivation for that love and the purpose of the relationship. I'm not sure why the concept of Christian marriage would apply to you and your wife if you are not Christian. A Christian marriage implies that the marriage is about your mutual faith in Jesus Christ. So, I guess there should always be a "Christian" qualifier before i say marriage. Sorry about that.

I didn't say anything about your relationship with your wife, or the way that you view/love her. What I did say is that that, if your relationship with her has nothing to do with your faith in Christ, then what you have is not a Christian Marriage. Its a state marriage (or whatever qualifier you want there). They are fundamentally different relationships. theists and non-theists, alike stay married for long periods of time because they love each other. That's not the issue, the issue is the motivation for that love and the purpose of the relationship.

]]> By: martint501 http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1660 martint501 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:20:02 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1660 Can't wait to get home and tell my wife that we have a contractual relationship and that she is only a financial entity to me. I guess my parents' contractual relationship of 46 years must have had some great financial reward...otherwise....I just can't...think...of...how...it...could...work.... Can't wait to get home and tell my wife that we have a contractual relationship and that she is only a financial entity to me. I guess my parents' contractual relationship of 46 years must have had some great financial reward…otherwise….I just can't…think…of…how…it…could…work….

]]> By: Justin Wise http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1608 Justin Wise Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:30:34 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1608 David, your wisdom is delicious. I sop it up wit' a bizkit! David, your wisdom is delicious. I sop it up wit’ a bizkit!

]]> By: Justin Wise http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1607 Justin Wise Thu, 25 Jun 2009 16:30:08 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1607 Love this. Never pictured it like that before! Love this. Never pictured it like that before!

]]> By: dewde http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1604 dewde Thu, 25 Jun 2009 09:07:21 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1604 Jay so totally nailed it. Especially with #2. Most of the time when my wife is having a stressful time and dumps all over me it is *not* because she wants a solution to the problem at hand. Being a good, empathetic listener IS THE SOLUTION. When I ask myself, "Man that totally sucks for her! I want to fix it and make her feel better! What should I do?" The answer usually, "Shaddup and listen, stupid!" In fact, her and I have this thing where I come right out and ask her. "Are you wanting me to fight for you? Or be a good listener?" And then she tells me. And then I do it. peace|dewde 11 years and 2.5 kids Jay so totally nailed it. Especially with #2. Most of the time when my wife is having a stressful time and dumps all over me it is *not* because she wants a solution to the problem at hand. Being a good, empathetic listener IS THE SOLUTION.

When I ask myself, "Man that totally sucks for her! I want to fix it and make her feel better! What should I do?" The answer usually, "Shaddup and listen, stupid!"

In fact, her and I have this thing where I come right out and ask her. "Are you wanting me to fight for you? Or be a good listener?"

And then she tells me.

And then I do it.

peace|dewde
11 years and 2.5 kids

]]> By: dewde http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1605 dewde Thu, 25 Jun 2009 04:10:05 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1605 Go read Jay's answer, but here is my addition that I totally stole from my pastor Andy Stanley. It is really another way to say what Dave S. just said. 1. Be committed to your wife, not your marriage. Andy said that he doesn't want his wife to be committed to "the marriage" because she can go out and find another "the marriage." He wants her to be committed to HIM. peace|dewde Go read Jay's answer, but here is my addition that I totally stole from my pastor Andy Stanley. It is really another way to say what Dave S. just said.

1. Be committed to your wife, not your marriage.

Andy said that he doesn't want his wife to be committed to "the marriage" because she can go out and find another "the marriage." He wants her to be committed to HIM.

peace|dewde

]]> By: Dave Sandell http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1602 Dave Sandell Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:52:27 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1602 Can't remember where I read or heard this, but found it profound... I think it's really easy to make a commitment based on what's happening right now, especially if what's happening right now is we're madly in love and passionate and happy. If you're committing to doing what's happening right now forever, that's not really a commitment. Things change, people change. We grow and become. So I committed to my wife that I would stay with her forever, regardless of what happened. That's a much harder commitment to make, but I find it much easier to keep, because if things go south, my options are changed to "stay south together" or "go north together". Two surprising cheers for limiting my options! Can't remember where I read or heard this, but found it profound… I think it's really easy to make a commitment based on what's happening right now, especially if what's happening right now is we're madly in love and passionate and happy. If you're committing to doing what's happening right now forever, that's not really a commitment. Things change, people change. We grow and become. So I committed to my wife that I would stay with her forever, regardless of what happened. That's a much harder commitment to make, but I find it much easier to keep, because if things go south, my options are changed to "stay south together" or "go north together". Two surprising cheers for limiting my options!

]]> By: Justin Wise http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1587 Justin Wise Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:03:08 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1587 Bring it, Elthe. Welcome to BeDeviant.com! Bring it, Elthe. Welcome to BeDeviant.com!

]]> By: Justin Wise http://bedeviant.com/today-show-marriage-is-dead/comment-page-1#comment-1586 Justin Wise Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:02:27 +0000 http://www.bedeviant.com/?p=1296#comment-1586 Susan, thank as always for your wisdom! Susan, thank as always for your wisdom!

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