3 Steps to Make People Feel Valued

August 17, 2010 in God,Life with 9 Comments

In The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working, author Tony Schwartz states that:

How we feel profoundly influences how we perform. Feeling devalued pushes us into the Survival Zone–which increases our fear, distracts our attentions, drains our energy, and diminishes the value we’re capable of creating … Perhaps no human need is more neglected in the workplace than to feel valued.

Wow. That’s a statement. However, I’m guessing there are many people reading this post where this passage rings true. “Check. Check aaaaand check,” you said to yourself silently.

If that’s you, or you’re in a place where you have influence over people–either relationally or positionally, I want to give three quick ways you can value others. If you feel you’re not being valued, you can always “change the tide” by showing others how you value them. Keep that in mind.

1. Let people know what they bring to the table. Tell people what you see in them. No, for real. Out loud. If your friend has an incredible ability to cut through the clutter and get to the heart of the matter, tell them that you see this in them. Remember, most people can’t read your thoughts, so you’ll need to verbalize what you’re thinking.

  • “You’ve got a great eye for design.”
  • “You’re such a great mom.”
  • “You’re smart. Way smarter than me.”
  • You get the idea.

2. Give specific feedback. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received was when my friend Nate said, “Don’t just tell people ‘good job’ after they get done preaching. Give them one thing that you liked.” That has stuck with me and I try to use it in all areas of life. “Your message was really great because I love the way you used that text.”  I enjoyed how you  Initial feedback + specific follow-up feedback = building value.

3. Celebrate the people around you. Jack Welch says that we don’t celebrate each other very much. I think he’s right. One of the quickest ways to make people feel valued is by making a big to-do about them. Buy each of your employees an iPod, just because. Bring flowers home to your wife. Give your admin staff the afternoon off. Celebrate your child’s birthday party in a huge way, every year.

It’s really not that difficult to build up people and make them feel valuable. It’s just that we get lazy and self-centered and focused on our own “stuff” that we forget the people around us.

Tell people what they mean to you. Change the tide around you. Do it. Build value.

BeDeviant.com runs on the Standard Theme

Standard Theme

The Standard Theme is a premium WordPress theme. Standard is a meticulously crafted and coded personal and professional blogging theme built with industry standards in mind.


With out-of-the-box solutions for social sharing, SEO optimization, advertising and social networks, The Standard Theme will set you up for blogging success. It does all the heavy lifting for you, whether you're a blogging beginner or seasoned pro. Check out The Standard Theme now and get started on your hassle-free blogging adventure!

9 Responses to “3 Steps to Make People Feel Valued”

  1. Adam August 17, 2010 at 6:38 pm #

    Great post.
    This is so true. It got me thinking that I wish my boss made me feel more valued, but then it got me thinking… do I build up those around me? Answer is, not as much as I should.
    Thanks for the push.

  2. Coley August 17, 2010 at 7:21 pm #

    Great post, but don’t break yourself down to build others up! (I.e. “You’re smart. Way smarter than me.”) How about “Isn’t it great when two smart people like us put our heads together?! Great advice though – love wins!

  3. Justin Wise August 18, 2010 at 1:19 am #

    Good distinction!

  4. Justin Wise August 18, 2010 at 1:19 am #

    For real. We can feel undervalued ourselves and forget that there are people around us who need the same sense of value we do!

  5. Matt Harrell August 19, 2010 at 8:46 am #

    Great stuff here Justin! This makes me think of the spiritual gift of Encouragement. It’s an amazing gift and when someone has it, it should be fostered and exercised often. I want encourage you now Justin. I’ve watched this blog grow over the past 2 or so years. I really appreciate your continued willingness to post about “stuff” that’s actually meaningful and spiritual. Your focus is evident to me.

    • Justin Wise August 19, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

      Thank you, my brother. It means a lot!

  6. Scott Smith August 22, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    Great post Justin. I appreciate posts that not only point out a problem, but suggest how to remedy it as you did.

    I think these are great tips for getting – and keeping – people in our churches. People should be involved in making church happen, and a little acknowledgment and encouragement goes a LONG way!

    Thanks!

  7. Maria September 2, 2010 at 9:22 am #

    This post is fabulous! What a great reminder. It’s so easy to forget that we all need to feel valued AND that we are able to help others to know and celebrate their value as children of God.

  8. ktenkely September 8, 2010 at 2:43 pm #

    Outstanding post Justin! I hope it is okay to piggy back on your post for an educational post: https://dreamsofeducation.wordpress.com/2010/09/08/neglecting-value/

    If not please let me know!