i don't know – robbie and i have been married for (nearly) 20 years – we have always worked together – we met in medical school – did our psychiatry residencies together – served together in the Air Force and have practiced together pretty much ever since… we actually like working together – i think that is, for us, part of being married – really liking each other…

as far as career aspirations breaking folks up… i personally think all of that has to do more with human pride than anything else and that it can and does happen in the church just as often as it does in the secular world… it works for robbie and me because we both recognize and appreciate our strengths and weaknesses…

sara

one of my family's dirty little secrets is that every Monday night from January to May we all gather around the TV to watch 24… this season has fascinated me with the woman president – but what was even more fascinating was how hard the writers had to work to find any role for the first gentleman and how quickly they marginalized him. i think it is the same for the pastor's husband – we don't talk much about it because it is just easier to marginalize them – i don't fully understand why it is, but do know that it happens… and it's painful both for the husbands and for the wives they work so hard to support- add to that, pastor's husband have virtually no support system… it's a tough gig and a rare guy who is up to the challenge… i am fortunate to have one of them…

sara

"Jay – first I'm touched by your comments about me and also humbled. While I can definitely relate to all points of the "Pastor's Wives" post, I can say for me I have made a choice not to allow other people's expectations or opinions to define me. Have I been referred to as something other than "Denise"? Yes! But that can sometimes be fun and have benefits. Do people sometimes act weird around me because I'm the Pastor's wife? Absolutely – but that is their issue – not mine – and trust me the "issue" has nothing to do with who I am!! As far as relating better to people not in our church — I do disagree. Do I have relationships outside of our church – Yes, and great ones at that – but I chose to live in community (do life) with the people in my church. True community is risky for anyone – no different for me just because I'm married to the Pastor. If I don't believe in living in community with my church family – then how can I expect anyone else to? I can't encourage people to do something I'm not willing to do! As far as "rich" not being in the vocabulary of the PW – depends on your definition of "monetarily rich." If being financially rich was my goal, then I probably needed to marry a Dr., Lawyer or a Millionaire of some kind. But I didn't marry for money – or to be placed in the "rich" category. I married because God gave me a wonderful man to love, help and serve with. Why would I need to be monetarily rich in the pastorate? I would much rather allow God the opportunity to surprise me with one of His many amazing blessings often sent through His people than have the $$ in the bank. Besides, It's all His anyways!!! His surprise blessings have always been bigger and cost more than I could have ever financially afforded in life!

Do I have "moments" – sure – who doesn't? Do I experience pain in the Pastorate? Absolutely, but it's in the pain that God grows me. Without it, I don't stand a chance of becoming Christ-like in the process. Do I sometimes wish I were anonymous -no- because as a Christ follower my light should shine bright – whether I'm the PW or not! As for the "someone is always watching me" feeling, yes – someone is always watching us – but hopefully I don't see it that way because I'm a "PW" but rather because maybe they see something different in me they long to possess. There have always been expectations upon the PW and always will be. The way I see it, I have a choice of living under them or not. The advantage I see that the 21st century PW has is she is not alone and she has way more freedoms, advantages, love, support and resources today to be the woman God has called her to be than ever before! To steal from J&K+8 -It's a hard life – but it's my life – and at the end of the day I could not be happier being anything other than who God made me to be and the role He has given me to play!"

People who think my name is "Our Pastor's Wife," really, really bother me. That one's at the top of the list of nearly every clergy wife I know — and I would be interested whether clergy husbands have the same problem.

Financial misconceptions are probably next on the list. This would be the widespread belief that the Pastor's family can afford the same level of lifestyle as the prominent church members on a fraction of their salary. As if the pastor's family gets some special mortgage rate, and that fantasy "clergy discount" at Kroger, Wal-Mart, and L.L.Bean!
…………………….. http://sidekicks.ning.com

Involvement with the ministry might be more of an issue that touches all of us clergy spouses. I think it takes a strong personality to withstand expectations about being visible every time the church door is unlocked, and a lot of spouses struggle with that.
…………………… http://sidekicks.ning.com

If nothing else, I hope you can read here and in Amy's post that you're not alone!

What would you say is the biggest misconception about pastors or pastors spouses?